What is it in your life that keeps you going/ Your duties or responsibilities. Your family. Your love or devotion to someone(s) or something. Or is it your desire to please God and bring glory to Him in the short time we are here FOR Him. I realize for me my main focus every day is NOT that and it should be. I get so caught up in trying to be content with the life I have and in trying to find joy in what keeps me going, which is usually the first ones, that I forget who I am really doing all this for. Who I am really living my life here on earth for. I think most of us are like that. We get so caught up in "doing all the good" and going to this and doing that and serving here, that we forget to even see if God wants us to do those things. We forget that it is for HIM not ourselves that we are doing them for!
I get so caught up in trying to keep myself busy with my mostly lonely life as a stay-at-home mom that I forget that THIS is what God has asked me to do right now. Don't know why. Don't know what He is trying to prove. But THIS is IT. If nothing else to teach me to be content I guess!
Within the past couple of months I have had a "revelation" (for me anyways) and it went along with something we talked about in my gals Bible study this last Monday night.
I talk to myself. ALL THE TIME. It is a habit I have always KINDA had and when I got married and moved to Texas it really, REALLY became a habit. I have gotten teased over it before (until I got married and no one heard me doing it anymore lol) but I can't seem to help. I will carry on regular conversations with no one, it would seem. Laughing. Debating. You name it. I'm a doing it! :D I've started to realize, since moving to Duncan especially, that I am not talking to no one. Countless times when I am a rambling on, I will hear a voice prompting something, convicting me, or correcting me in the middle of my conversation to myself and it hit me. I've been talking to God this whole time! He could REALLY TRULY be my best friend! Yeah, he knows everything about me anyways, but if He didn't I would have told him and by now He would know me better than I know myself! :D LOL
So, I guess loneliness and boredom can be a perfectly wonderful thing if it brings you closer to God! :D Eh!?!
I really have nothing exciting to tell about life around here other than all the things I have been learning lately, seems like! I haven't written anything on here for a week because of that, I guess. Normal. Day to day normal stuff. Yesterday was beautiful and I went for a walk out back of our house while the boys were asleep. It was a beautiful day and it is amazing what spring can do to a person. When I came back inside I was a new girl! It was nice to go down by the pond and watch yellow butterflies, scare frogs, and get all scratched in the knees by a thorn bush! Reminded me of how much fun I had growing up in the country and got me a talking to myself again as I waded 'round in the mud trying to take some fun pictures! (You can see some of them throughout this week on my photography blog.)
The boys and I spent over an hour playing outside too. Conner was in a weird mood though. Clinging and fussy if I so much as left his sight it was the end of the world. I think it had something to do with his short nap and his teething still. Today he is back to his ornery playful lil' self! :)
We were supposed to take a meal last night to a couple who Sam works with who just welcomed their first baby (a girl *dreamy sigh*) into this world but she got sick this week! :( So they asked if we could reschedule.
Today I have spring cloths to sort through that we hauled out of the attic over the weekend! Yeah! :) Most of my stuff has gotten too big (WHO HOO! I LOVE it when I can say that!) and is getting passed along. :) I still scratch my head over the fact I actually lost weight with my pregnancy instead of gained! :) I think it had something to do with the fact I had two! :) Only thing that I received was a spare bike tire of skin around my waste I swear is NEVER gonna go away! It has been a year and it hasn't even come close to shrinking away. (I'm chasing rabbit trails now...)
Tonight I am going to Zumba class with a new friend I met here in Duncan! She has a 10 month old son who is absolutely adorable! :) Sam and I have last night's episode of Lost to watch online, after the boys are in bed! (Making myself wait of course.)
Tomorrow.....nothing
Friday...nothing
Saturday I have 4 photo sessions in Dallas I have to drive down for! It is going to be a VERY long day but of course a blast. I am a little worried about the rain we are supposed to get though. Not cool. Especially if it causes us to reschedule so I am praying and hoping it goes away...
Then another long week starts again! At least I will hopefully have 4 photo sessions to have fun editing though...
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A friend e-mailed me this evotion EXACTLY at the perfect time the other day. I was having another one of those days when I spent the afternoon crying nearly the entire 2 hours the boys were down for their nap. Asking the Lord why. Bored. Lonely. Wanting to do ANYTHING BUT what I was doing right then. I HAD to share this because I KNOW as humans we ALL struggle with this and I don't think even half of us will admit it because of shame or fear they will be preached at for having these feelings in the first place! Which is sad, and wrong, and depressing...and I do COMPLETELY understand that.
Many, many times in life, I have had days in which I just wanted to quit. These times come for different reasons. Maybe it's just the "wanting to quit" time of the month that comes about every 30 days or so (the joys of womanhood). Possibly it is as simple as the fact that I was tired. Many times I have felt overwhelmed with all I had to do, and quitting seemed like the easiest option. Sometimes I have been hurt by someone and wanted to throw in the towel. I have wanted to quit when I was ill, when misunderstood, and when ignored. On occasion there have been those times when life just seemed too hard, the uphill struggle. I just didn't want to hang in there anymore. I am sure that we have all been through these times.
Now, when I say quit, for me it means that I just wanted to do something other than my duties (like do nothing at all). Sometimes quitting to me has been fantasizing about going far, far away and starting a new life somewhere else. Quitting can mean different things to different people. Perhaps quitting to some could mean suicide, perhaps divorce. Whatever it means to you, it comes from that feeling that says inside, "I'm just sick and tired of it!" Every one of us has felt that multiple times in our lives.
The questions that ring in my mind when I get that feeling is something Bro. Schaap asked in a message. He said, "You've lost your 'want to'. But do you still want to 'want to'?" When you get tired of it, and you want to quit, is there something deep down that still wants to get your desire back? Look for that desire way down deep inside yourself that says, "I don't want to right now, but I want to 'want to'."
That always gives me hope. Many, many times I've thought, "That's it. I've had enough!" But I search inside my heart and find that little flame inside me that really does want to keep going, and it is enough to keep me on track one more time.
In the Bible Jeremiah was an unpopular preacher. He did not have a fun job. At one point he got fed up and said, "That's it! I am not going to do this anymore! I am nothing but a laughing stock! I quit!" But then he found that little fire down deep inside. Jeremiah 20:9b says, "But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay." He kept going.
This article is not just about not quitting. I am writing to say to you -Don't be so hard on yourself for wanting to quit. That is a very, very common feeling. Maybe you have even quit on some things in your life. I am saying to you - Instead of kicking yourself while you are down, search your heart - find that little tiny part down deep inside that still wants to do what is right. It is there; find it and be encouraged that you still "want to" want to. There is hope for you. God still has plans for you.
So often people quit altogether because, after they quit on the outside, nothing or no one stops them from quitting on the inside. When people, especially teenagers, sin in a very obvious way, it can be a call for help. Don't condemn or run away from those who seem to suddenly turn from God. Get to them; help them or get help for them before they truly do quit. The sin we can see is like a first- degree burn; that person needs to be pulled from the fire before they sustain the deeper third-degree burn. Look past the "first layer" and see what is inside.
So you quit; it's not the end of the world. You still have a desire to do the right thing, don't you? Go ahead, get up, dust yourself off, and get back on the wagon. If you don't have the desire to go on, can you find the desire to desire to go on? It's a start; and it means that you still have hope. God is still there, patiently waiting for you. Stoke that tiny flame down deep inside your heart that once more wants to see if God can use you. He can, and He will!
Excitement in our house could be...
Beautiful Weather!
Causing lots of open windows and happy smiles listening to birds chirping.
A Good Batch of Strawberries!
Best snack EVER for the boys and I to enjoy! :)
A New Book For the Boys!
Keeps them entertained forever! Literally!
Zumba Class at the Gym!
New Easter Outfits!
(You can bet I'll want to be taking lots of pictures and am praying SO HARD is a beautiful day Easter Sunday!)
A Photo Session!
(Makes my week! COMPLETELY!)
Dancing With The Stars Starting! Woooooooo!
(Judge all ya like! I am a fan! :D I am one of those who gets tears and goosebumps over a romantic waltz and gets off the couch to "get-it-on" with the rumba! :D Yep!)
But the tide could be turned by . . . guess how many? You're right, one. One woman—only one voice—saved an entire nation. As is true of every person who stands in the gap, she was willing to get personally involved, to the point of great sacrifice. Or, as she said, "If I perish, I perish" (Esther 4:16).
