I just wanted to share a little tid bit from one of my favorite books in all the world, Captivating by Stasi Eldridge a book I STRONGLY encourage EVERY woman to read in her life.
I don't know about you, but I can certainly be one to say I have tryed so hard in life to hide the desires of my heart as a girl and then as a woman. I have been put to shame and guilt by others before for having feelings and thoughts that God Himself have put inside me, which is so wrong.
Growing up in incridibly conservative homeschool program, being raised in a rather conservative and contriversal church, being friends with strongly conservative people and being raised EARLY in my life as a girl to be a quite, meek, modest (like as in dresses all the time from your neck to your wrists to your ankles) lady. Humblely sitting behind the men and put in this world to bear children (be a "baby making machine" is what they should have said) and that is pretty much all you're here for. That getting pretty and that dancing and singing and wanting to be told you're so lovely and beautiful can be a sinful nature of the heart. So much of all those "laws" of being a "TRUE" Christian that were made caused me to have to break many chains to be a free woman for sure and I know that I am still daily breaking those chains.
There are so many things in my life I hide from certain people because I am afraid they would judge me or they would think my life was "backsliding" or whatever people shove on you. So many things that go agains those conservative laws of, "Don't do this, or think this, or wear this, or go there, or do that, or listen to that. If you do you're gonna fall away from the Lord or you're not gonna be "good enough"." I'm tired of if folks. Really I am. I don't want to try to be someone I am not and DO THINGS to be GOOD ENOUGH. That isn't how God created me! I wanna be myself and I know that DAILY the Lord is gonna have to give me strength and reminders constantly to be myself and stay strong in my freedom as a woman in Him and it isn't easy and isn't gonna be, but I NEED that freedom in life. I am so tired of dragging through most of my life in misery and worry and fear and I am going to life like GOd created me to live. I'm going to trully let Him USE me for more in life than.....making babies every 9 months for the rest of my life! :)
You WANT to read this I promise you do!!!! :D
I don't know about you, but I can certainly be one to say I have tryed so hard in life to hide the desires of my heart as a girl and then as a woman. I have been put to shame and guilt by others before for having feelings and thoughts that God Himself have put inside me, which is so wrong.
Growing up in incridibly conservative homeschool program, being raised in a rather conservative and contriversal church, being friends with strongly conservative people and being raised EARLY in my life as a girl to be a quite, meek, modest (like as in dresses all the time from your neck to your wrists to your ankles) lady. Humblely sitting behind the men and put in this world to bear children (be a "baby making machine" is what they should have said) and that is pretty much all you're here for. That getting pretty and that dancing and singing and wanting to be told you're so lovely and beautiful can be a sinful nature of the heart. So much of all those "laws" of being a "TRUE" Christian that were made caused me to have to break many chains to be a free woman for sure and I know that I am still daily breaking those chains.
There are so many things in my life I hide from certain people because I am afraid they would judge me or they would think my life was "backsliding" or whatever people shove on you. So many things that go agains those conservative laws of, "Don't do this, or think this, or wear this, or go there, or do that, or listen to that. If you do you're gonna fall away from the Lord or you're not gonna be "good enough"." I'm tired of if folks. Really I am. I don't want to try to be someone I am not and DO THINGS to be GOOD ENOUGH. That isn't how God created me! I wanna be myself and I know that DAILY the Lord is gonna have to give me strength and reminders constantly to be myself and stay strong in my freedom as a woman in Him and it isn't easy and isn't gonna be, but I NEED that freedom in life. I am so tired of dragging through most of my life in misery and worry and fear and I am going to life like GOd created me to live. I'm going to trully let Him USE me for more in life than.....making babies every 9 months for the rest of my life! :)
You WANT to read this I promise you do!!!! :D
The Heart Of A Woman
"When I was a girl, my favorite books were fairy taloes. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty - you remember. I loved the stories, could have gazed at the beautiful pictures for hours. It's not that I thought my life was a fairy tale - far from it. Those fairy tales told me of a life I wanted to live. They awakened my heart to new mystery and beaty, to danger and adventure, and above all, to romance and the happily every after. I don't think I'm alone in this. Only a fairy tale can awaken something set deep in the heart of every little girl. Sometimes the words Once Upon a Time could take me there. Think of Snow White. It's a story of a lovely little girl who was every little girl. She was born with a song in her heart and a light in her soul that shone through her bright eyes. She was meant for a world of beauty and wonder, of safety and protection. She was supposed to be wanted. She was supposed to be enjoyed, delighted in, and encouraged. In this world where she was secure in life, she was meant to grow up into a beautiful brave, and gifted woman. But that wasn't the world she was born into. Nor was I. Nor were you. Snow White gets lost in the forest. She eats the poisen apple ands falls into a deep slumber. O yes, the Prince comes, but only after suffering and betrayal. That is the part of the story we can't understand until we have grown up.
Many decades have passed since I was a little girl, and the heart that was stirred by those fairy tales now seems to have belonged to someone else. As for my adult life, I think I'ld have to summarize my passage into womanhood as busyness. I got busy with life. I worked hard and tried harder. I slept less, aimed higher, and failed more. At church, often I exhorted to do more. Be more. Be better. Follow the seven steps, these six lifestyles, those rules, these twleve concepts. (Excactly what I was talking about above.) But in all of my trying. I didn't feel like I was growing as a woman. I just felt tired. Like Snow White, my heart fell into a deep slumber.
I know I am not alone in this either. As woman we still long for intimancy and adventure; each of us longs to be Baeuty of some great story.
But the desire set deep in our hearts seem like a luxery - granted only to those woman who get their acts together first. The message to the rest of is - whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder. So we bury our hearts and try to get on with our life.
And that is not a wise thing to do, for as scripture tell us, the heart is central. "Above all else, gaurd your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Prov. 4:23) Above all else. Why? Because God knows that our heart is core to who you are. Your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you.
Think about it: God created you as a woman. "God created man in his own image...male and female created them." (Gen. 1:27) Whatever it means to bear God's image, you do so as a woman. Your femanine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities - as a reflection of God's own heart. You are a woman to you soul, to the very core of your being. And so the journey to discover what God meant when he created women in his image - when he created you as his womanm - theat journey begins with your heart.
Another way of saying this is that the journey begins with desire.
Look at the games that little girls playt, and if you can, remember what you dreamed of as a little girl. Look at the movies women love. Listen to your own heart and the hearts of the women you know. What is it that a woman wants? What does she dream of? Every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive. That's what the fairy tales were trying to tell us.
Romanced
Do you know what the bestselling kind of novel is? Historical fiction? No. Mystery? No. Crime dramas? Nope. The fiction book outselling all others, by millions, are romance novels. And I'm not talking about great writting here. These are those novels with the buxom women on the cover, usually standing on a cliff, her cloths suggestively disheveled, the wind whipping her hair.(The ones we were told that are full of sin and evil because those feelings and desires are sinful and evil. I wouldn't be suprised if someone was offended because I just wrote that last sentence above.) Who can be buying them? Women are buying them. Their authors have tapped into something core at the heart of women - our desire to be wooed and won, to be pursued and fought for, to be romance.
Some of us are embarrased and ashamed by this desire. We diminish it, mock it, downplay it. And when the desire has gotten us into trouble and caused us pain, we do our best to kill it. Yet our desire for romance refuses to die. Oh it may be buried, or hidden deep within us, but it remains. And a good thing, too. For we don't have to be embaraased by our desire to be romance. It is a trur, glorious longing in our hearts! It is, in fact where we bear the image of God. God loves romance! He created it! He invented sunsets and roses and music and love. He says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jer. 29:13)
God wants to be pursued. So do we!
Now being romanced isn't all the a women wants, and I am certainly not saying that a woman ought to find the meaning of her exsistance in whether she is being or has been romanced by a man or not. But don't you see that you want this? To be desired, to be pursued by someone who loves you, to be a priority to someone? Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, every woman wants to be seen, delighted in, and pursued. We long to be romance.
Irreplaceable Role
We also want to be essentil, needed, irreplaceable! A woman doesn't come alive being merely useful. See, there is something fierce in the heart of a woman. Simply insult her children, her man, or her best friend and you'll get a taste of it. A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill the desire in us, most young women want to be part of something grand, something important. Before doubt and accusation take hold, most little girls sense that they have a vital role to play; they want to belive there is something in them that is needed and neeeded desperatly.
Isn't this true of God? He wants to be needed. He want to play and irreplaceable role in our live. He wants to live in a shared adventure with us. This is the whole story of the Bible. And here, too, in your heart you have a heart like God's. Woman love adventures of all sorts. Whether we crave the adventure of riding horses (most girls go through a horse stage), whitewater rafting, going to a foriegn country, performing on stage, having children, starting a business, or driving even more deeply into the heart of God, we are made to be a part of a great adventure. An adventure that is shared.
Sometimes the idea of living as a hermit appeals to all of us. No demands, no needs, no pain, no disappointment. But that is because we have been hurt or worn out. In our heart of hearts, that place where we are most ourselves, we don't want to run away for very long. Our lives were meant to be lives with others. Made in the image of perfect relationship, we are relational to our core and filled with a desire for transcendent purpose. We long to be part - an irreplaceable part - of a shared adventure.
Beauty to Unveil
Finally, there is Beauty. Think of the stoies you love, the movies that you watch over and over again. Pride and Prejudice. The Lord of The Rings. Sleepless In Seattle. Little Women. The Sound Of Music. (Twilight is a big one for me. *big smile*) And then think of who you want to be in those stories. You want to be the Beauty of the story, don't you? The woman who not only attract the good man but who, with her golden heart, also captures all those around her and inspires them to life. The woman who is beautiful inside and out.
This is why little girls play dress up. Little boys play dress up, too, but in different ways. Our sons are cowboys for years. Or army men. Jedi knights. But they never once dressed up as a bridegroom, fairies, or butterflies. Little boys do not paint their toenails. They don't dress up in Mommy's jewelry and high heels. They don't sit for hours and brush each other's hair. Boys want to be the brave prince; we want to be Snow White.
Remember twirling skirts? Most little girls go through a season where they will not wear anything if it does not twirl (and if it sparkles, so much better). Hours and hours of play result from giving little girls boxes filled with hats, scarves, necklaces, cloths. Plastic beads are priceless jewles, hand-me-down pumps are glass slippers. Grandma's nightie a ballroom gown. Once dressed, they dance around the house or preen in front of the mirror. Little girls' young hearts intuitively want to know they are lovely. Some will ask the words, "Am I lovely?" others simply ask with their eyes. Verbal or not, whether wearing a shimmery dress of covered in mud, all little girls want to know.
Now, we know that the dsesire to be beautiful has caused many woman untold grief. How many diets have you been on? Countless tears have been shed and hearts broken in the pursuit. Beauty has been extolled and worshipped and kept just out of reach for most of us. For others, beauty has shamed, used, and abused. Many woman have leaned the possessing beauty can be dangerous. And yet, and this is just astounding, in spite of all the pain and distress that beauty has caused us as a woman, our desire for it remains.
And it is not just the desire for an outward beauty, but more; it's a desire to be captivating in the depths of who we are. Cinderella is beautiful, yes, but she is also good. Her outward beauty would be hollow were it not fer the beauty of her heart. That is why we love her.
Ruth may bave been a lovely, strong woman, but she attracts Boaz with her unrelenting courage, vulnerability, and faith in God. Esther is the most beautiful woman in the land, but her bravery and her cunning good heart are what move the king to spare her people. This isn't just about dresses and makeup. For now, don't you recognize that a woman yearns to be seen and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to posses a beauty that is worth pursusing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are.
The desires God placed in your heart were put there for a reason. They reveal the secret of who your are and the life you were meant to live. God didn't place these desires in your heart to torment you. No. God placed these desires in your heart to guide you and draw you into discovering the woman he made you to be and the life he craeated you to live.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."(Psalm 37:4)
