As the Walls Come Down

I have been feeling like I am carrying around something that was/is so heavy and burdensome on me that I couldn't even breath at times without my heart physically hurting. Like you are bringing down everyone else's life no matter how hard you fight not to. Everything is of course, you're fault, and the truth gets overtaken by the lies and it's as if you have no power or control over that.
This is what my life has consisted of and what I have dealt with nearly every moment of my life for the past 4+ years. And then, finally, the truth came out, and that burden dissipated from my life almost instantly! I can feel the start of what I know is how life is supposed to be as Christian. The truth has begun to set me free. Free from the worthlessness, the depression, the pain. It's not easy. I know that this road is a long one and that learning to live and walk with God and nothing else matters is not an easy road. Tearing down walls, digging up pain, is not fun but it is something a person has to do if they want to LIVE! And believe me I hit the bottom and I WANT TO LIVE!

When you finally realize that everything you have been struggling with in life and have been burdened you've come to carry is all because of this one thing you start feeling like you have lived under a dark curse for years. You feel like you have lived your life in a lie. Like years have been wasted. It it hard right now to see the good, to see God there, to believe I will be stronger from this. Knowing and believing are two very different things. The struggle with memories and emotions led me to become a pro at numbing and stuff-stuff-stuffing until I hit bottom. I knew how to put on that mask that everything was fine around others. That fact act Christians have of "I'm a Christian so everything is fine"! It took me years to come to terms with what happened and understand it ENOUGH to come forward and seek help and healing. Even though I married the amazing man I did, and I see that as God's love and mercy towards me, it took me years to even trust him enough to talk about it. So all this time I've suppressed it and lived with all these problems that I didn't even associate with what happened. My life was daily getting more depressing and miserable.

Seems I have lived all my life doing a really good job of wearing a mask that others will see everything as "all good" on the outside. We hide the pain and crap that is raging inside. Pictures can be deceiving. "Joy" that makes everyone see you as such a giving, Christlike, serving person and family. That is how we always lived. Don't go behind the closed doors. And everyone around us did the same thing. Plastic people in our plastic world. Breaking apart inside. Feelings of no matter what you did you were not enough and more was expected of you. Stop asking questions, that meas you are questioning your authorities so you are rebellious. Don't push boundaries or standards. Believe what you are "supposed" to believe and nothing else. There was more to being a Christian than asking God into your heart and having a relationship with him. The realtioship part actually was put on the back burning like it was with everyone else. Love, trust, respect, not so much in the picture. Fear, control, and "duty" very much so.

I told my counselor this week there is so much to sort through right now inside I don't even know where to start. And I'm QUICKLY learned I don't start anywhere, God does! I feel like we're not even slightly scratching the surface and the pain is so deep even here that honestly it overwhelms me to think of all the things God has yet to dig up inside me. All the walls he STILL has to tear down that were behind this one big UGLY wall I had keep in secret. I just have to focus on one day at a time, what is God teaching me and wanting me to learn today. He will do it. I just have to come with a willing and open heart. Willing to be vulnerable and willing to let him heal me as painful as that may at the beginning it is worth the beauty in the end.

But you know what, I do NOT want to live a mediocre life. I do NOT want to live with the burden of something on me that is NOT to be my burden. I don't want to live my whole life in anger, and misery and fighting to be strong every second of every day and put on the mask pretending all is fine! I don't want to be luke warm all my life! I want to keep climbing up that ladder. I want to be learning from everything until the day I die. I have no intentions of camping out and hiding. How can God use me in life, in my kids lives, in my husbands life, if I haven't first let him take over my life, including the nasty ugly painful crap.

Amongst the still moment by moment pain I face from this I am still excited and OH the weight that has come off my shoulders I can't stop believing in. There is still fear and terror there for what will happen in the future but at the same time it is UNDENIABLE God's timing and how He has lined everything up perfectly to set me free of this ugly horrible lie that has had me bondage. That has held me in the grasp of feeling utterly worthless, unworthy, ugly, imperfect. I say I am done with it and I am on the road to healing. I'm on  the road to love. God's LOVE for ME.

‎"But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. My grace is enough; it's all you need.
So for the sake of Christ I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, limitations that cut me down to size—abuse...opposition...distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength). And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become!"

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Something Heavenly*

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

Our Last Week+ in iphone Pics :)

1. We made a pinterest dessert for our sweet, Ecuadorean, Sunday afternoon guests.

2. My favorite post-it from Sam this week "You are worth fighting for...."

3. 3a. 3b. Me and the boys did some hanging out one afternoon in our Daddy and Mommy's bedroom      

    looking at airplane magazines and eating goldfish :) Little, simple, sweet, happy memories made. 

4. This is how Caiden waits on supper... :) 

5. Toddler Rock Band fest *free admission on Friday nights :D

6. A wonderful gift basket, left on my porch from some dear anonymous ATISS facebook friends who have 

    been so encouraging and uplifting during this time in our group. <3 It made me bawl happy tears. 

7. Sam got his craft on with me (more watched and encouraged me to do something fun I think) and I 

    started my canvas projects I've been wanting to do for the house. 

8. 9. 10. 11. 12. We put together the boys rocket ship they got from their birthday and handed over their art 

    kit that came with it. A HUGE hit. It's all the played with that entire day they were awake. :)

13. They like to hid behind the door or the couch when they hear Daddy's truck drive in from work. Squeals 

    and running feet followed by not-so-quite declarations to "shuuuuuuush!!!!!" and wanting mommy to join 

    them. :)  

14. There is NOTHING that beats fresh squeezed orange juice every morning. It's become an addiction for 

    me every morning now I'm afraid! 

15. Saturday morning snuggle times with Mommy and Daddy! :D 

I WILL WIN this battle!

"Running away from any problem only increases the distance from the solution..."

This last week and a half has got to have been THE toughest and most emotionally exhausting than any others I can think of in our marriage. If you want to talk about finally running dry, throwing up your hands, declaring you can't be strong anymore, you're done living in control and fear, then right now I fit perfectly into that category. God has torn down a wall inside me I never thought would come down. I thought that the fear, control, pain, hurt, anger, hatred and so much more that was holding up this wall would never be torn apart. I thought this terrible thing that happened to me that I carried around in secret would be impossible to bring up. I was wrong. I wasn't sure exactly what caused it to finally come crashing to the ground but after finding our from some dear friends and some family members that they had been praying for me for the last couple of  months sensing their was so much more wrong that what I was saying, I'm realizing how God lines everything up perfectly and has a timing for everything. Even for the most painful CRAP we try to forget and numb away.

Being taught to stuff, to run away, to put on a mask and make myself pretend I'm fine day after day has made me feel like I have to start at the beginning of everything I thought was truth. Everything I believed. Being taught that my happiness didnn't matter and twas even selfish to think about such things as taking care of myself. Having been told how dare I cry and think my life was so tough or my problems were hard when there was a world full of people who had it SO much worse that I. How dare I hang things over others heads, over my parents heads. Get over it and more on. Let the past go. On and on and on. Never dealing with anything. Couping. Numbing. Putting on that mask.Keeping a perfect "godly appearance" we were "supposed to have" or expected to have. Being happy plastic people. Because somehow Christians are supposed to have no problems and that goodie-two-shoe mentality takes over.  PRIDE rules you. If everyone sees you as so together than you somehow are. Keep it all hidden. Put on that smile. How dare you "complain".

It's like walking around with chains wrapped around your body. I had no idea this "secret" that happened to me was so effecting my life. EVERYTHING in my life. My body physically, my emotions, my outlook on life, how I not only viewed myself but everyone else around me and ESPECIALLY how it effected my relationship with God and me as a wife and a mom. Anger, impatience, mood swings, depression, lack of energy and motivation, no self esteem. Even things like uncontrollable acne, back trouble that has caused endless chiropractic visits, EXTREMELY painful menstrual, headaches, nightmares and crazy panic attacks that would take over at certain times or circumstances are all being tired back to this issue. AND oh my gosh I could NOT believe that after this burden came off MY shoulders how drastically my life seem to immediately change that very day. In less than 10 days, I feel like I'm being reborn inside or something. It's like a rediscover of yourself and who you are and who you were meant to be. I feel like Sam and I are back at the beginning and are dating as boyfriend and girlfriend. I have begun to realize that how can I truly love my husband and my kids if I don't truly love myself. That never sunk in and hit me before. I want so BADLY to make them feel like a King and like Princes but how can I if I don't see myself as Queen or Princess! How can I love them like God loves me if I don't believe or understand the love He has for me. Because I compare is love with the love of earthly beings. And  my heart wants nothing to do with that so called "love".

It makes me so angry this person I have let hold me in bondage. The hatred I have that I cannot even really explain. The pain, the grief, the shame I've carried around for the past 6 years has taken its toll on my life and how I didn't even realize it. I was JUST fine. I numbed away the pain, I tried to believe the lies I was told. I had no IDEA the wall that was in our marriage, that was between me and my boys, and even that was between our trusted close friends.

Lets just say even thought I have a HUGE, AMAZING support group online, a handful of trusted, wonderful friends close by, a couple family members knowing and praying for me/us and after my first counseling session this week, I am still terrified to the core of what is happening and my heart hurts with almost every breath I take. I know this journey I have just started is going to be long and painful and parts of it will never end. It's something a woman must live with and learn how to face the reality of the rest of her life. All I know is, through the daily tears I've been facing, dragging myself out of bed every day knowing life has to keep going, and just trying to focus on getting through the next hour of right now, that I can feel God's hands holding me up. Even as the tears roll down my face even as I am typing I can feel him whispering it's going to be okay and I am never going to let you go. The road is going to be hard but you are going to win this battle and you are going to be stronger and more beautiful from it if you trust me. It's not your fault, you are precious and beautiful to me and I will never stop thinking that of you. You are worthy. You are perfect. You ARE enough. You don't have to do anything to prove yourself to me. You don't have to earn my love or my respect. You can tell me your heart and your dreams and I will never shut you down. We can talk about anything and I will listen and never judge you, criticize you, or trample on your heart or your feelings. I am NOT like who you have known or know on this earth. I am NO fallen human being. I am your REAL father and my love and my care is like no other you have or ever will know. I am so much more than what you have been taught about me and ALL I want with you is a relationship. You are my love. My daughter. My princess; and I find you captivating in every way.

And I finally can say, my heart knows! I know and I actually am starting to believe it for the first time in my life.

"...This is where the healing begins. Where you come to where you're broken within the light meets the dark."




Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay


How can I go on pretending that there's nothing wrong.
Life has brought me to my knees.
This mask I hide behind is killing me there's nothing left.
Is there anyone who feels like me...

...could you get me out alive.
I'm trying to hold on but I've lost the will to fight.
Will you rescue me.
Take me far away.
From this shattered life.

"Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus"

When when we, who call ourselves Christians, get this into our thick self-righteous, miserable heads. When will we really be like Jesus. Love like Jesus. Live like Jesus. Because living like Jesus will mean sacrifice, hurt, legalism and hatred from others. But when will be realize it is the ONLY way to L-I-V-E!

What if I told you Jesus came to abolish religion
What if I told you voting republican really wasn't his mission
What if I told you republican doesn't automatically mean Christian
And just because you call some people blind
Doesn't automatically give you vision

I mean if religion is so great, why has it started so many wars
Why does it build huge churches, but fails to feed the poor
Tells single moms God doesn't love them if they've ever had a divorce
But in the old testament God actually calls religious people whores

Religion might preach grace, but another thing they practice,
Tend to ridicule God's people, they did it to John The Baptist
They can't fix their problems, and so they just mask it
Not realizing religion is like spraying perfume on a casket

See the problem with religion, is it never gets to the core
It's just behavior modification, like a long list of chores
Like lets dress up the outside make look nice and neat
But it's funny that's what they use to do to mummies
While the corps rots underneath

Now I ain't judgin, I'm just saying quit putting on a fake look
Cause there's a problem
If people only know you're a Christian by your Facebook
I mean in every other aspect of life, you know that logic's unworthy
It's like saying you play for the Lakers just because you bought a jersey

You see this was me too, but no one seemed to be on to me
Acting like a church kid, while addicted to pornography
See on Sunday I'd go to church, but Saturday getting faded
Acting if I was simply created just to have sex and get wasted
See I spent my whole life building this facade of neatness
But now that I know Jesus, I boast in my weakness

Because if grace is [water], then the church should be an ocean
It's not a museum for good people, it's a hospital for the broken
Which means I don't have to hide my failure, I don't have to hide my sin
Because it doesn't depend on me it depends on him
See because when I was God's enemy and certainly not a fan
He looked down and said I want, that, man

Which is why Jesus hated religion, and for it he called them fools
Don't you see so much better than just following some rules
Now let me clarify, I love the church, I love the bible, and yes I believe in sin
But if Jesus came to your church would they actually let him in

See remember he was called a glutton, and a drunkard by religious men
But the son of God never supports self righteousness not now, not then
Now [back] to the point, one thing is vital to mention
How Jesus and religion are on opposite spectrum's
See one's the [work] of God, but one's a man made invention
See one is the cure, but the other's the infection

See because religion says do, Jesus says done

Religion says slave, Jesus says son

Religion puts you in bondage, while Jesus sets you [free]

Religion makes you blind, but Jesus makes you see

And that's why religion and Jesus are two different clans
Religion is man searching for God, Christianity is God searching for man
Which is why salvation is freely mine, and forgiveness is my own
Not based on my merits but Jesus's obedience alone

Because he took the crown of thorns, and the blood dripped down his face
He took what we all deserved, I guess that's why you call it grace
And while being murdered he yelled
"Father forgive them they know not what they do."
Because when he was dangling on that cross, he was thinking of you
And he absorbed all of your sin, and buried it in the tomb
Which is why I'm kneeling at the cross, saying come on there's room

So for religion, no I hate it, in fact I literally resent it
Because when Jesus said it is finished, I believe he meant it

"And to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith counts as righteousness."  - Rom. 4:5

Making "our world" about "us"?

I love Sam, Caiden, Conner's, and my world when it is about "us". When what we feel God leading us too is central and no one else is ruling. Our family's world should be about OUR family. Why do people say that is selfish? Making it special, wonderful and as full as life as one can on this earth brings me joy and life. Why should I ever feel ridiculed for that? Why should I ever care about the pressure from others and about what is expected of me and from me as not just a woman but as a wife and a mom. The stereotypes that are impossible to get away from no matter what age you are or what place you are in life.

My world SHOULD be about my husband, kids and myself! What GOD wants for us because HE is the Ruler. What path He is leading us down as we walk through this world together. I should care about my heart and what makes me thrive in life and about my passions and what drives me on so should my husband and my kids! We SHOULD care! Our heart cries and yet me SMASH it down and try to carry on in the life those things that are EXPECTED of us! Is that really living? Is that what God desires for us? Are we living a fulfilling and glorifying to God life if we are living the life we were "raised to live" or that is "put on us" as "THE way". How can I live the story God has for me if I am trying to live the story I am supposed to live; what is "safe" or "right" in whomever's eyes. What about what God has written and is writting for us as INDIVIDUALS? We are NOT to all live the same. How can we, when God made us all unique and different? Why do we think we all should live by a certain method, standard, theory, or "steps"? How can we live in such a way that is so far away from how God desires for us to live? How can we be a "witness", a light pointing to God, a glorify being to the one who created us, if we are living to please instead of living in faith? 

What is the passion inside me that is driving me to feel the boredom and restlessness in my day to day? Why do I daily feel God pushing those dreams in my heart closer and closer towards the wall of fear I have up as if working on tearing it down while I keep trying to put up more bricks and mortar at the same time. The fear of man. The fear of expectations. What more does God have for me that I am too afraid to leap for? 

My week last week in Iphone pics! :)

We got to celebrate our perfect, handsome little men's 3rd birthday this week and I had a BLAST trying my hand back out on making their birthday cakes! :D Thanks mom for showing us girls how to cake decorate growing up! It has been over around two years since I made the last "cake" and I enjoyed the 3 hour project "muchly"! I baked the "pieces" of the truck using a loaf pan, a mini loaf pan and a glass cup. Then assembled the pieces with a cardboard bottom for support and using small dall rods to keep the truck body from flattening the cake wheels underneath. Then colored my icing the desired colors and decorated to my hearts contentment! :D 

My Superman and I had our weekly date night out and thoroughly enjoyed going to see the 4th Mission Impossible together and pizza at Mazzio's afterards. (Where we ALWAYS eat after we go to see a movie. lol) For some reason Mazzio's brings out something in us. We have yet to have a date there where we have NOT gotten "all deep" emotional. The waitresses are going to know us as the couple that comes to cry over pizza. Happens at no other restaurant! We joke about how when we need to talk we are going to start saying to each other, "Honey, it's time for us to go get a x-large kens pepperoni and jalapeno pizza." :D
He started the date off surprising me with my favorites as he opened the truck door for me. Bright flowers and milk choc. m&m's! Ah yes, he stole my heart ALL over again! :D 

Other funs from last week? 

I got to try out my new batter dispenser that was on of my Christmas wish list that my Mom got me! I LOVE this thing! I will be using it ALL the time from now on! I want to make "fun" pancakes with it next! 

I tried a new hot pink lip stick from my giant new makeup stash I got with a Christmas gift card! I gotta figure out how I want to store it all! I have very limited space in our bathroom for more "makeup bags" and honestly digging through makeup bags sucks. I have seen so many ideas on Pinterest but none that really work for me that I am falling head over heels for yet. Any ideas are VERY welcome! I can't leave it all lined up on our dresser for much longer! lol I'm leaning towards this product here on the left. I'm LOVING the look and functionality of it! 

3rd Birthday Truck Party!

We had a weekend full of party fun, fun, fun and more fun! So much fun that starting the week was a little disheartening and sad for more than just the boys but mommy too! We couldn't just take down the decorations yesterday and toss them so we gathered up the dozens of balloons and tied them in their room for a few extras days! :D 

Their Uncle Jared, cousin Ethan, and friend Sebastian come over the evening before their birthday to take a play trip to McDonald's and a fun movie night! 

Bustin' outa their room birthday morning! 

After breakfast we gave them their birthday tire swing and trampoline to play on until their party!

Refuel at the drink station, grab a couple spare tires (choc. donuts)...

...make ya mini truck sandwich, get in your veggies with a carrot cup and ranch dressing and finish off with a jiggler in an orange peel! :)



And the cakes...just go with it and pretend for my sake they look amazing! I was able to get up my nerves and try to decorate them myself and was able to come up with two small trucks. The boys ended up snacking on them yesterday for a mid morning snack since we had plenty of cupcakes to eat up! lol

Truck rides in Daddy's truck around the neighborhood was a hit at the party, for all the boys anyways, not so much for Caiden and Conner's Grammy and Grandmother. lol :D

So this week we have on our to-do list to make thank you cards for everyone who came and made their 3rd birthday so special for them! :) Monday morning they were going on and on about party and naming names asking where everyone went. When I reminded them their party was over and their friends and cousin had to go home Conner slumped and groaned, "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" :D 

Guess you could call it a party hangover! I told them we would have another party soon! So guess we could add that to our to-do planning list for this week too! :D  Why not! 

Playdate anyone? :D

No Guidebook

They will by 3 in just 4 days!!!

All I want for my boys for them to be able to live a life full of adventure and joy. To be able to grow up wild at heart in this world of "nice guys". To have a relationship with God not a religion. To not be held back by judgement, legalism and pointing fingers. Being a mom is terrifying just like much of everything else in life. There is no book on what to do to get certain results. Those of misguided lies. No kid is the same. No mother is the same. No parent is the same. There is no formula to anything in life, let alone to raising kids. My kids were not giving to me to make me happy, please me, make me look good, live by my standards of what I think my kids should be or do. There is no Mom out there to follow and even the most godliest, I've got-it-together looking of woman are fare from perfect in their mothering. We live in a fallen world. There is no parenting Bible and I already know if I follow some man made guidebook I will fall even harder on my face. Who has a clue what they are doing? I mean really? I know I certainly don't!

These wonderful boys I have been given that look to me for love, for help, for direction. They are going to get hurt no matter what. I can not protect them from living and I shouldn't. Life is not about rules, regulations and pleasing. It is about trust, faith and a relationship with God. The path of trusting God leads opposite the path to pleasing God. Not to live on this earth doing whatever I can to try and make God happy and every other Christian around me happy. Not to live following any man that claims to have the steps, answers or solutions to life because they don't. Only God does and his answers and solutions are different for every one of us.

Being a mom is nothing you can prep for like a test. You can't prepare for anything such in life and GOD knows exactly when you are ready for what! You can't study and then one day be ready with all the answers. It's literally living and learning day to day with the one of a kind kids that you have been given! That is how we grow! Learning to notice and appriciate the huge difference in Caiden and Conner and their personalities and loving them for who they are and how they are made. Understanding why they respond and act the ways they do in different situations. Heavens, DARE NOT comparing them to each other or others! One of the highest of my "don't you dares" is that I would NEVER, EVER trample on their dreams and bright eyes! That I will not break their spirits and wills with my demands, anger or "rule". That I will not use religion and manipulation to tell my child, "no". How do parents ever expect respect and obedience from their kids when they treat them thus.

Which leads me to think of something else I have been mulling over all week. That word respect. It hit me like a ton of bricks this week the fact that I really haven't ever had a clue what that word means. I cried over that word a couple times this week or more than circumstances of my past that surround this word. I was never taught...shown...growing up what respect was. I was never treated with respect and I never saw a close example of respect to others. I gave complying. I gave fear. I gave broken will...but never respect. It was "given" when it was demanded to be given. "Children" were just expected to respect their parents. It's just demanded of them. That is JUST that. They should obey, no questions, just obey, honor and respect. No matter the age if you were under their roof don't dare speak of anything that would go against any standard they have laid out. How can I expect my kids to respect me if I raise them to fear me. To never ask questions. To never dare go against or even try and go against what we have set. To never know the whys and whats. Basically just teaching them you do this and this and this you make us happy and God happy and THAT is a relationship. How can my kids truly respect me if I have not won their hearts? If I do not listen, love, understand. How can my kids ever respect an lashful, demanding parent who never listen to their heart cries or tries to live life with them; grow with them; work through the pain and hurts of life with them? One who breaks their will and leaves them wondering things like, "why was I born?" "am I good enough?" "do I have what it takes?" "am I captivating?".

I want to earn my kids respect by the way I live my life daily. By how I discipline, love, guide; really honestly just care about them, their hearts and who THEY are individually. I just want my kids HEARTS and everything else follows!

Another New Years!

We partied up and blasted in the the new year with a party at our house with our wonderful friends and a few air horns mixed in with some smoochin'! :D So excited to see what this new year holds and starting it up with a fire under my butt and a passion in my heart to see to it I allow it to be a much better year than last and excited to see what more epic things God has in store!

Some good things to chew as I think back on this last year and as a new year has begun.

Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become and who God intends for us to be.

Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you!

Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.